Wednesday, November 23, 2011

The Breakup Letter

Dear Macbook Air,

Remember that time I spilled a bunch of water on you and wiped it off and nothing bad happened? yeah, that was a good time. So why did you want to spoil it the second time around, Macbook? It was even LESS water this time, about three drops! I thought you said I could share anything with you--documents, web pages, music files. DOES THAT NOT INCLUDE BEVERAGES? It's not my fault you looked thirsty. Why did you become so darn sensitive? (Was it something I said? Or did?)

All I know is, you didn't have to go out like that. First your "y" key kept repeating so that I couldn't type anything else-- do you have a thing going with "y" that you weren't telling me about? I THOUGHT WE TRUSTED EACH OTHER-- and then your "y" key stopped working altogether so that I had to copy-paste it (as I'm doing right now), and then all your other keys went bonkers so I had to type really slowly (as I am AGAIN doing right now) to get any of the text down.

Now when I type on other computers (computers that actually WORK unlike SOME devices I know, ahem) I automatically copy-paste when I want a y, and I end up with copied web addresses in the middle of my paragraphs. Macbook, you have turned me into a copy-pasting y machine, and I am done dealing with your particular brand of berserkers.

In fact, I am done trying to keep any of your shiny apple comrades happy, because darn it, I break things a lot, and I don't want to shell out so much dough to fix them. So I have gone over to the other side.

His name is Lenovo, he's only slightly larger than you are, he's less sparkly, and moreover, he appreciates me. AND he has a little drainage system in his keyboard, so spilled water has very little effect on him. So there.
-V

P.S. Don't tell the iPhone.

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