Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Overthinking Things on a Tuesday Morning

I know I said something about this on Twitter yesterday, but I found that the 140 character limit just wasn't giving me enough room to appropriately address this issue.

And the very serious, not at all ridiculous issue is this: disturbing food product commercials.

Watch this M&M commercial and see if you understand what I mean:

Okay, M&Ms people. The very nature of the giant computer generated candies is problematic, because no matter how you spin it, those Living Candies are things that we EAT. They are supposed to be mouth-watering, not sympathetic characters in an overarching narrative of M&Mdom. Do I really want to eat my old friend the Red Candy if I've been watching commercials with him in them since I was five? The Red Candy has attitude. He has personality. He is NO LONGER YUMMY.

So, putting the concept of the ad campaign aside, consider the above commercial. Orange Candy Guy is clearly being forced against his will to undergo some kind of brutal surgical procedure in which a Living Pretzel with an accent is inserted into his body to form a kind of pretzel skeleton. The cruel people of the M&M laboratory are doing this for the sake of candy sales, not considering the psychological damage this could do to Orange Candy Guy, and clearly not considering that it will cost Living Pretzel HIS LIFE. So basically, we have an eternally horrified Orange Candy Guy who lives with the guilt that he was the one to survive, because he was the one with the hard candy shell and chocolatey insides, whereas the Living Pretzel with an accent had the misfortune of being somewhat less delicious and therefore only suited to be a filling.

Every day for the rest of his short candy life, Orange Candy Guy is going to ask himself, why? Why couldn't they make a pretzel covered M&M instead of an M&M covered pretzel?

And seriously, how is this procedure working? Are they going to kill the pretzel before they stick him in the other guy's body, or are they going to let him suffocate to death in chocolate?

This is sounding more and more like an awful horror movie.

And by the way, this is not the first time that a food commercial has weirded me out. Because remember when Goldfish crackers didn't have smiley faces, and then Pepperidge Farm gave them smiley faces, and the commercial jingles went like this:

The wholesome snack that smiles back
...until you bite their heads off.

Yes, that's right. The goldfish crackers are all happy and welcoming, but LITTLE DO THEY KNOW that your sinister jaws will soon open and you will grind their cracker brains into bits with your giant, horrifying teeth.

I really don't understand making food likable in commercials.

In other news, Happy Mockingjay Day!


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