Friday, September 18, 2009

Story Time

Two words for today's story:


Okay, so I live on the ninth floor of a large apartment complex, and my room is not supposed to be a bedroom. Technically, it's a den, which means several things:

1. No closet
2. Double doors
3. Balcony

The balcony is pretty much the coolest part of my room. It looks out over Evanston, and I can see as far as the Bahai temple, which GLOWS at night. Yep, my living situation is pretty sweet, especially considering how much mold grew on the ceiling of my dorm's bathroom last year.

The unfortunate consequence of the balcony is that there is a large sliding door that forms one of my walls, and any time you have an entrance to the outside world in a room, that means: bugs. And the only bugs that are crafty enough to make it to the ninth floor are spiders, apparently.

Two days ago I was up at three o'clock in the morning because I am deathly ill (well, not really. But it's really hard to sleep when your nose is burning all the time) and I noticed a quarter-sized spider descending from the ceiling. I think that's one of the creepiest things that spiders do. It has to do with the whole "let me slowly lower myself onto your head while you sleep" thing. Anyway, I had a mini little panic attack and grabbed my brush and hit it as hard as I could. It didn't die. It fell into the fibers of my really cool rug and disappeared. So I stood there like an idiot for about two minutes, staring at the rug to make sure it didn't reappear. Sure enough, it did, and then I beat the crap out of it with my hairbrush.

The next morning, I woke up determined to kill all the spiders, so I took a can of Raid onto the balcony and started to spray the top of the doorframe. And a few seconds later, half a dozen spiders did that slow-descending thing from the doorway, sort of like in the movies when SWAT lowers themselves from the ceiling on ropes to ambush the enemy, or whatever. One of these spiders...its body was seriously the size of a dime, which doesn't sound all that impressive until you realize I'm not even COUNTING the legs. Anyway, that one got caught directly in the line of fire and turned white from all the Raid I used because I'm a sissy and I was determined to kill this thing.

I haven't seen any spiders since then. But all that stuff they tell you about how spiders are good because they kill other bugs or whatever? BS. I would rather have other bugs. Bring on the flies, the ants, the gnats, whatever. They're annoying but they don't make me want to hop on a chair and scream. You know why? Because they don't move in that creepy spider way. And they have a reasonable amount of legs. Six? Sure. Eight? TERRIFYING.

Now I feel creepy crawlies all over me. Ugh. I'm going to make tea.

In other news, I outlined the rest of LL and did some estimations that confirmed it will be about as long as I suspected it would. All while sitting on the train across from three guys who were talking about...well, some unsavory things.


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